Pulp Friction

It's Clementine time again! Clementines are those cute little oranges that are sold in crates and mesh bags in supermarket produce departments. I first discovered these tiny, orange beauties in 1997. While pregnant, I was suffering the most intense craving for oranges and consumed enough of these yummy fruits to cause acid burns to my tongue.

My doctor stared at me in awe and asked, "Well, how many of them did you eat?" The answer: a pathetic "a lot."

Since that time, Clementines, Mandarins, Cuties, Christmas oranges or whatever you prefer to call them, have become a staple in our house whenever they are available.

Last week, I picked up a bag and packed them as snack time treats for the kids. By Thursday, my 7 year old had enough. As I put an orange in her backpack, she announced that she could not bring oranges to school for snack time again because they were just too "extracting." My confused face led to more of an explanation.

The story is heartbreaking. She told me that the other kids stare at them and gather around her as she peels them. They comment on how good they smell and they even ask for pieces of her orange. Additionally, the orange smell lingers in the classroom long after snack time creating even more drama. As a result, she doesn't really get to relax and enjoy her snack during snack time. I could see her point. They are too extracting, um, distracting. I sent her to school with ginger snaps. No one bugs her for them.

Speaking of oranges, did you hear about Jude Law's orange outburst? Apparently, Jude pitched his tent in the shadow of an NYU dorm. According to the New York Post, the school girls like to watch him work out on his patio. Imagine that. Frailty, thy name is woman.

During a recent exercise session, Jude had enough with the spectators. Acting a little more than kin and less than kind, Law grabbed a couple of oranges and splattered them all over the dorm's windows. A famous writer once wrote, all that lives, must die. As a result, the school girls' enchantment with the jejune Law seems to have shifted from lush green to angry orange.

Seriously, Jude? That it should come to this? You play Hamlet on Broadway. Stop acting like him in real life. Revenge is not sweet, even when oranges are involved.

I do know that if I saw my second grader throwing oranges at her orange-gawking friends, I'd not only be shocked at the outburst, I'd be furious with her lack of finesse. I have nothing more to say.

Sweets to the sweet: Farewell for now.